||[May. 12th, 2005|03:09 am]
|||||S.N. On MTV||]|
Im drunk again
Is that so bad? Na, but its weird now. Being drunk isn't the same. Marijuana isn't the same. It all seems as if its holding me back now. As if I naturally am drunk/high now.
I honestly think its because I live how I want now. I'm awake at night, I sleep during the day, the way I was built to be. My father always told me, no matter what the white people tell you, what you feel deep in your heart is the right answer. I hated him for being racist, but now I've become him. I've started to realize what he meant. I'm not who I'm supposed to be because society told me to be someone else. That is the ultimate high, the ultimate drunk, the ultimate all. I don't need all that now that I am what makes me happy. Too bad society will not except me the way I am. Once I get a decent job I will have to become the animal again. The animal agreeing with whatever just to be liked. The animal acting so human so that nobody will know what's going on inside. They always called us (Native Americans) animals. But I wonder who was really the animal? Who rapes? Who kills? Who steals? animals, they cannot understand such concepts. When Native Americans were the rulers of themselves, none of this existed. Now it does. WHO IS THE ANIMAL? I ask you that now. WHO IS THE ANIMAL?
Who would go across an ocean, across miles and miles of land, just to bomb ONE MAN who has hurt people n such? Killing hundreds in their path, angering hundreds of countries? I think that would only be the Americans who could commit such a crime and get away with it. Commit any crime of their choice and get away with it. In this world, there is no justice.
I hope I go to jail/prison for what I've said. But then again, its more than what my brother Leonard Peltier did. He did nothing and god life in jail. All he did was live on a reservation, survive, and be Native American. Research him and you will understand me, you will understand him, and most of all, you will get a glimpse of what we see every day. Every single day is a struggle that we are so happy to have survived. Embrace every day as if it your last. For some of us, it is our last. Today is mine. Embrace it please. Embrace it my friend. My brother. My sister. Embrace it.
[N.S.L.] NEVER SCARED LEADER
[F.F.] FEARLESS FIGHER
[A.I.M.] American Indian Movement
[U.I.D.] Until I Die
[I.P.T.D.M.A.F.Y.] (to Jenni) I Promise To Do My All For You